Question
Our 5-year-old daughter has developed troubling behaviors. She lies frequently, doesn’t take care of her belongings, disrespects her older brother, and complains when asked to do tasks. We've removed everything from her room with the plan to return items once we see improvement, but progress is minimal.
She also struggles with idle time, often getting into more trouble when left unsupervised. She has difficulty making friends and complains that others don’t want to play with her. At school, she frequently speaks out of turn.
We’re looking for effective daily strategies to guide and discipline her, especially to address lying and deceptive behavior. Additionally, when she’s at home (outside of school hours, 8:30 to 12:30), what can I do to keep her engaged while attending to other family members?
Our current discipline methods—taking away privileges, sending her to her room, and limiting toys and TV—haven't been effective. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!
Answer
Hello. It sounds like you have a lot going on with your five-year-old. Let's look at the frustration with your child's behavior from a higher angle. You and your spouse had a relationship before children came into the family, which is wonderful. Now that children are in the mix, dynamics have changed, but your marriage relationship should still be the central thing in the family. It seems as if your daughter has taken the position of the central figure of the family.
All of the discipline strategies you have tried are good, so I wonder why they are not working. Although unintentional, a family drama has started in which your daughter has become the star actor. This will be a timely process, but I think it is very possible to rewrite the script and give your daughter her proper role in the family. Your goal in parenting is to mold her into a resourceful, happy, productive member of society and that begins at home. Once she treats her family with respect she will transfer that respect to friendships and people will want to play with her. You will not be able to tackle every issue at once, so start with the most important one to you and go from there.
I suggest John Rosemond's book, "The Well-Behaved Child". You will find several good discipline methods to implement. As you and your spouse determine which bad behavior to work on first, remember that you are the leaders in the home and your daughter is not the lead actor. Concentrating on your daughter's bad behavior, complaints, etc will exhaust you and keep your family in a never-ending soap opera. You may want to try the ticket system for the worst behavior and after it's eliminated work on another.
Hang in there! Remember, the parents are the producers of the show and should be the lead actors. There will be mistakes and out-takes along the way, but if you persevere, it will be a show worth watching.
Sincerely,
Alyson Hudson
Leadership Parenting Coach
alysonshudson@gmail.com
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