Question
My 11 year old daughter has had a falling out with one of her friends from church. She can usually resolve conflicts easily, but this one is much harder because it involved the other girl telling lies about her on about 3 occasions. My daughter doesn't feel like she can trust this other girl anymore and is content to be nice, but keep some distance. So, no playdates, but just hang out together at church with other people around.
I think we should just give them time to work it out on their own, but the other girl's parents want them to "talk it out" so they can be friends again more quickly. My daughter has already had 2 other similar conversations because of previous situations with this girl and does not want to do it again. How should I explain this to the other parents?
Answer
You should be proud of your daughter for coming to this conclusion on her own, i.e., that she can no longer confide in or trust this girl with personal matters. I would also commend your daughter for choosing to remain friendly (not friends), since they attend the same Church and will continue to be involved in activities there.
I strongly agree that you should not be involved in facilitating a "reconciliation", and politely express that to the parents of the other girl. We both know that relationships can be fragile through the teens, so this will be a good learning experience that your daughter can refer to in the years ahead. Consider this "peer drama" as a teachable moment, and be thankful that she figured this out for herself.
All the best.
David Martin
