Question
We are using John's Ticket System. Should my 4-year-old lose all 5 tickets before lunchtime? Is it reasonable to confine said 4-year-old to his room for the remainder of the day with the exception of meals and the bathroom?
Answer
Hello, and thanks for reaching out to Parent Guru. The short answer to your question is yes. It is reasonable to enforce a consequence that will remind your child that the particular behavior they are losing 5 tickets over is not acceptable and lands them in a situation they will not like. The goal of the ticket system is to eradicate behavior that is not tolerable.
A four-year-old should be working on one target misbehavior at a time and it should be clearly illustrated somewhere prominent like the refrigerator. If the target misbehavior is "No hitting" and 5 tickets are given at the beginning of every day, then each time an adult sees the child hitting, a ticket is lost. Calmly take the ticket explaining that they hit their sibling and put them in a 5-minute "cool down, time out". If all 5 tickets are lost before lunch, then they should be confined to a very boring room until dinner and then put to bed right after.
The goal is to make it as unpleasant as possible to get rid of the hitting. Four-year-old children are capable of understanding a process this simple if you make sure the target misbehavior is clear and the consequences are given consistently and calmly.
The sooner your child understands that your word stands and hitting is unacceptable, the happier they will be. Well-behaved children are indeed happier children.
I encourage you to be clear, calm, consistent and confident in the "ticketing" of your child and within weeks, there will be no need to confine them to their room for most of the day because they will have learned how to control themselves so as to avoid unpleasant consequences. Hang in there and you will see a happier child later on down the road.
Sincerely,
Alyson Hudson
Certified Leadership Parent Coach
alysonshudson@gmail.com
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