Question
My child lost all her tickets yesterday and then spent the remainder of the day in her room. I removed all the toys but I did leave several books. Today I found out that she had ripped the front cover off of one of the books. She is in elementary school and old enough to know better.
I had to stop myself from having a knee-jerk reaction, so I haven’t acknowledged it to her yet or said anything about it. Now I'm thinking about producing the ripped book at some inopportune time for her when she really wants to do something and then say something like “little girls who rip books aren’t getting enough sleep….”
Should I remove all the books from her room? Can you provide me with some direction on next steps?
Answer
Hello, and thank you for your question. Squashing your immediate reaction is hard! You are to be commended for your control. I recommend saving the surprise consequences for when she's older and has more of the self-control you have.
Produce the ripped book and explain that, until you are sure she won't damage anyone's property (her own included), she'll have to earn the money to pay for the ruined book and choose 5 of her books to donate to the school or public library (you'll need to give her a dozen or so from which to choose). If she wants to enjoy a book it will need to be in full view of family. If she doesn't get an allowance, let her work off her debt doing household chores (ones that she isn't already assigned). Teaching her to respect her home and the property in it, and to control her emotions and actions, are lessons she'll need for a productive and successful future.
Wishing you respectful, damage free days ahead!
Warmly,
Wendy Faucett
Certified Leadership Parenting Coach
wendyfaucett@gmail.com
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