Question
Hi! So I’ve been perusing old questions and answers in your forum, and I’m coming to the distinct impression that I, myself, am a micromanager.
Therefore, my first question is, it appears from your articles that if I just lay out my expectations with alpha speech and then back way off, and then hold kids responsible for their actions with no emotion, a lot of our problems will just go away?
My second question is, I don’t even know/realize when I’m micromanaging. Are there some telltale symptoms that I need to start being aware of in myself so I can catch myself and stop?
Thanks!
Answer
I wouldn't say "a lot of our problems will just go away" because you don't want to set yourself up for failure. BUT! If you stop micromanaging, things might get worse for a while...then they'll begin getting better. that's my finding, both personally and professionally. Mind you, not micromanaging doesn't mean do nothing. it simply means communicating an attitude of "I trust you don't need me to hover over you to get this done" and then not hovering, but standing ready nonetheless to assign a consequence if things aren't done or done properly. As for signs of micromanagement, the biggest one is anxiety. If you're starting to feel anxious about something you expect from your kids, you're probably already micromanaging.
John
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